Week 7

I've now almost reached week 7 with my little bean and I've found that my insulin requirements that had nearly doubled since first have now gone to lower rates than before I got pregnant. I am currently miserable with morning sickness and got prescribed zofran which is giving me immense relief from the constant nausea and vomiting. I am hoping to become more active with my writing since I'm going to start feeling better.

Big big news!!!

So we sort of have some news!

I dropped off the face of the earth!

Man oh man, the past few weeks have been terrible. I am a huge baby when I get a cold so I've been put out for a bit. We also had a terrible accident in the family and I've been caught up in some bad moods and worrying lately so I apologize for disappearing. I will get back to writing soon I promise! Thank you for sticking around!

Why am I opening up something private to my friends and family?

Many people are probably wondering why I am opening up about something so private with the world. I am not ashamed of what I am doing. I have natural feelings and desires to create a family. I am generally a private person but because of my struggles with this disease I wanted to open up about it for people to read and maybe start to understand. Whether writing here helps someone also struggling with the same situation or it helps a loved one understand what someone in their life is going through then I have done good. Diabetes and pregnancy is a subject not talked about very much. Growing up I truly believed it was not possible, I was not worried about it in the least. As I got older and became engaged and then married I started researching for information to help me understand if my dreams were possible. It turns out they are entirely possible. I have teamed up with my endocrinologist who has referred me to a Peri-natologist which is an OB with a specialty in high risk pregnancies.

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Another Day, Another Dollar-store pregnancy test

So over the past few months I have gotten a little less neurotic each time about testing ASAP with a First Response (FRER). I was spending a littttttle too much money on them. Like $20 A BOX OF 2 :O

So I bought some dollar store cheapies and tested today, one day before good old Auntie Flo is expected. Bummer :( another month gone by. The most disappointing part is that I have been diligently temping and using ovulation predictor kits and it feels like this is somehow eluding me. I hate when people say "stop trying and it will happen" That is a ridiculous statement to me and maybe would be better stated " Work on being more relaxed"

I won't lie that I have been less than motivated to write lately. I started this with the intent of it being very therapeutic for the sad parts of this process but usually thinking about writing makes me even more sad. On the bright side my moods are totally lifted by the gorgeous California Sun and 75 degree weather. It makes me want to go camping and ride my motorcycle and barbecue with friends! That could only help me relax right ;)

The first disappointment

Realistically I knew that the first couple of months trying to get pregnant wouldn't work in my favor. I had hopes because people get pregnant on accident all the time. One night stands produce children often. I personally know people this has happened to. I was four days late this month. I have never in my life ever had a late period. I was so sure this month would be it. Except I got many negative tests. My hubby has been supportive the whole time and kept hope with me. I can't help but say my closest friends haven't done the same. I feel alone now because I cannot confide in them the struggle I felt knowing this is abnormal but the test kept saying negative. They kept saying it's so unlikely to have happened already, it takes time. I wanted support and hope and I got doubt and negative reactions. Maybe they had my best interests in mind, maybe to keep my hopes from getting too high just to be shot down when it was confirmed this wouldn't be our month. The fact is that no matter what they said my feelings would be the same. Them pointing out that it probably wasn't this month didn't make me any less hopeful that it would be or any less sad to know it wasn't.