I must say that I am whole-heartedly embracing pumpkin season. From air fresheners to bagels and even yogurt (yoplait pumpkin cheesecake...I just ate some hehe) I am loving the season's changing. It's still pretty hot most of the time but luckily we have had a few rain sessions lately.
Being pregnant has really gotten uncomfortable and I feel terrible for every pregnant woman I see. I am 32 weeks now and counting down the days until I can hold my sweet baby. I am very large now and everyone loves to point it out (as if I forgot about how heavy this bump is lol) however this week I experienced the worst sickness thus far this pregnancy... THE COMMON COLD. Oh my am I miserable! I feel extreme guilt taking medications so I tried to stay away from all cold medicine even though my doctor said I could take some sparingly. I did succumb to afrin nasal decongestant to get a few glorious hours of rest. I'm still miserable even a week later.
I had the worst doctors appointment yet.
I'm still pretty upset by it but I'll outline the gist of what happened. I went in and he did an ultrasound. He said the baby is measuring in the 98th percentile and at 31 weeks was 5 pounds 1 oz. He told me it has nothing to do with my diabetes. The baby is measuring large all around and his abdomen is the smallest part which is the marker for diabetes related size issues (an enlarged abdomen should indicate problems) . His daddy was a large baby and still has a big head full of knowledge!
These ultrasounds are not 100% accurate and I know that but it's hard in the moment to not let the fear take over.
He said I need to prepare for a c section at 39 weeks because his head is "so" big. He thinks the baby will be about 10.5 pounds full term. He said for a first time mom that's too big. He said the head is measuring 5 weeks ahead and if I even attempt vaginal delivery it will shear the patch of nerves that control my bladder and I will pee myself for the rest of my life.
He then said if I insist on a vaginal delivery "attempt" I can't do it without an epidural because "if we need to stick our hands far up to turn him you can't handle that without an epidural"
The next gem was regarding rupturing membranes. He said after 4 CM they rupture all bags because they "do nothing but get in the way" I know this puts me on a 24 hour timeline to get delivered fur to infection risk. He said after that all the cervical exams would push bacteria into my uterus which if I then had to have an emergency c section I could get a massive infection that could need multiple blood transfusions and that I could die.
Yes. He told me it was very likely I could die. I cried in the room. But now I'm enraged.
I asked how on earth my mother in law and aunt both naturally and successfully delivered almost 11 pound babies and she's fine. He didn't have an answer.
The other issue I have is they are insisting on NSTs twice a week starting next Monday. I asked what the statistics were necessitating that. He said in a normal pregnancy the risk of still birth is 5/1000, for type 1 diabetics it's 15-20/1000 and that twice weekly non stress tests bring it down to 1/1000. He said there's 98% chance that nothing will happen. Many people have said those statistics just aren't true in the first place and I'm going to ask him for some evidence to back up his statements.
I am at a cross roads here because I've lost every last bit of confidence I had in him as my doctor. I no longer trust that he has my best interests in mind. I don't have the option of switching doctors because unfortunately the partners at his office are worse than him and it's the only high risk office in my area. Needless to say I am very bummed by this. I have to remember just a few things:
My body was made to birth my child.
I CAN DO THIS.
This doctor has no say in what happens to my body or my baby.
Me and the Hubby decided to take a "Birth Boot Camp" class... A wonderful lady, who I met through my doula is teaching it. We weren't sure if we wanted to take a Bradley method class, hypnobabies or another version of a natural birth class.
We were recommended this birth boot camp and upon checking it out it looks like what I want. We are very excited to start in the next couple of weeks. I struggle with on and off days where I feel completely confident that I can have the healthy and natural birth that I want and then boom, I feel despair and sadness that I should just relinquish the idea of a positive vaginal birth. I really think this class will help me remain even more positive. I will update as we start :)
http://birthbootcamp.com/ is the website to check out more information. This is not a sponsored post, I am just sharing the path we have chosen to take in hopes it may help someone reading.
Well, we are on tattoo watch now! I am fully expecting my poor tattoos to be destroyed in the remainder of the pregnancy. We will see how that goes!
I am still able to put my insulin pump site on my stomach! It's getting harder on the front as my skin stretches so I'm sticking to the sides but I think I may have to move it to my legs soon :( I won't lie, I am a little concerned about that.
